Contours Of The Migration Scale.

I moved to a new location.

Do enquire at MSN or email if interested.


Cheers, you snobs!
Joel

I'm taking my time.

So, the feeling of not knowing where I'm heading to now is settling in. Slow but most surely. There's nothing left to do, no highlight of a week or month left to look forward to. All I have resembling a plan or schedule is to just get you back here.

I thought of a million ways to break that iron cascade he has over you but it just isn't in me to let it all go down that way. I would take punches, fat lips, insults, group attacks just to understand again how I was so happy and carefree back then.

So to be amongst the pioneer batch of bands playing in the first ever Singapore Deathfest was a massive honour. I went on stage, didn't give a fuck about what people would say and if you ask me. It was a good one for me, I didn't feel awkward to headbang in front or that we were not brutal enough. I just didn't crack or at least bother to keep up an image or persona of what I was supposed to be doing. So boys and girls, perhaps the secret to performing live? Vocals went well for me despite the big scare in the jamming studio before heading down to Thomson CC. I didn't vomit out of nervousness this time round too.

Sometimes, you try to run so far away from where you are but sooner or later you're gonna find yourself wondering how you ever got here. You try to retrace each step backwards but you're just blank. I took new friends over values and real friendships, I took my pride over my guilt and I became someone I barely could tolerate until it was nearly too late. I'd been walking all this while, eyes shut, stagnant and pale in this putrid horror freakshow of my own revelation.

You don't have to weigh consequences along with the odds of a situation you don't want to be in. At the end of the day, what matters most are relationships, honesty, love, sacrifice and the attainment and strengthening of your personal beliefs.

Sometimes, you don't have to be the big kahuna or the Don. You don't have to be the guy with the girl on his lap, the one with the prettiest shoes and dress, the guy who looks good even in a plain tshirt, berms and slippers, the one who has the most friends, you don't have to be the one who's dancing like a neon signboard, the one with the most bedroom escapades, the one who's famous in the scene, the one who's respected.

I'm the one. With the ugly teeth, chubby cheeks, horrible hairdo, with nipples sticking out his shirt, the fat kid from a typical high school drama. All I have under attributes would be transparency because I don't care right now. If I'm single the rest of my life, if I never get rich or if Massecration never becomes a household name in the metal scene; I just don't care.

Because when I said "I'm taking my time and you guys are still fucking boring." on stage on Sunday. It felt right, it felt like a warmth from a mother's embrace.

Hey, you. You know it's you I'm talking about. I can wait because I'm taking my time now.

Sherbet.

Have you seen the lands? A prostitute visited by ferrying merchants and traders, trod upon, spat at and left alone in the times of scurrying daybreak. As she cries, she weeps and she mourns for respect reciprocated. Her sisters are none for she is a bastard child from the brainwave of humanity's most misused value. Unity.

Separatist ideologies aside. Where is our countrymen's pride? Or can there by any, since we come from diversificated lands and all we've known is to tolerate and reserve ourselves. Our country is now overrun by foreigners who claim our jobs as their rights and our primed land as stools for graceful establishment. Our heads have been pushed under the water, under the marking level of normalcy, under the equations of indignant standards.

Our elderly often have no seats on the transport systems because these vermin pests claim these seats as their own, with the cunning pretention of slumber. Our elderly, our forefathers and representatives of our history are treated as though they were simple minded creatures who deserved no respect whatsoever.

Our local women crave the attention of these aryan falsities, pigs of men. Who taste their wares and throw them into the gutter. They have sold us a culture that have only begun reprimanding us now. We have greedily taken serving after serving and now, the consequences are borne into fetuses and placed in the womb of our wives.

Our people have become infiltrated and set fire upon, when will you see the smoke? The burning stench of moral decay and this false absolution.

The solution is simple. Rid the vermin pests and have strength in your arms and the elder spirits inside you arise within and control your weakened limbs. I will be your flag, we must rid this vermin apocalypse and regain the control that we have lost ourselves.

Damsy Bloke.

Well, thanks to the friends who bothered enough to ask me how my first AA meeting went and well, I didn't go actually. I overslept, hit the sack once I got home from work and slept till about eight-ish.

I'm afraid, really and I don't want to lose my trump card in this battle because if I do I will be so lost in this spiralling dependency.

I don't want to be lost again, seriously.

On a more current notice, all I've looked forward to these two weeks have just been jamming and more jamming. Work is a drag, sex is a dream and love is a question that seemingly answers itself in between.

I think God must have someone seriously fab planned for me or perhaps he wants me to be in his service for the rest of my life because the pretty smiles and deep conversations are coming up but somehow that feeling never comes up again. It's scary, really and Lulu is dead set on convincing me that I am gay.

For piss sake, no.

I.

Surge into conitunity, the blinding oppression in the scheme of progression.
Repay the impious deed, transgression returned with the might of aggression.
Crush the infidel seed, with the carnal direction of a cleansing action.
Deny the falsities, and reign in the glory of my supremacy.

Head for The Barricade.

The entire morning has been fueled by Limp Bizkit, Damien Rice and more Damien Rice. I'm in one of those creative moods all of a sudden, when your eyes light up and you just feel like sketching a little something, writing a short story, writing a new song etc.

A lot has been on my mind recently. A new introduction, an old flame, a faraway love and the mother that I miss so dearly. When you get home and your secret hideaway is so cold and quiet, you can't help but just think to yourself that your life seriously sucks. What if there was hot, steaming dinners and bubbly chatter or even at the worst a little shouting. Just some noise in here would make me feel alive, more alive.

Are all women fated to be the same? Money grabbing, leg spreading after dinner and drinks and a drive home made up sluts? I can't help but recall the 'plastic-ness' of two chicks at the office and technically they are Uni students so.. I don't know. Can't people have deep, meaningful conversations and then a walk home anymore? Must there by financial favours, tongue and sex? Like I know Singaporeans are generally very rushed but can't we all take our lifestyle pace out of our personal lives? Like where are we even rushing to, I bet we don't know. Why do you want to head somewhere that you barely understand lest want to be at.

Murakami Salinger, hope your trip's good.
Raindrops, you make me want to pull on my hood.
Cutie Cab, you tore me into pieces and walked on.
Strangely familiar.

And the only one that's truly been constant are the bonds that are never broken and the one where days are lived forever. I miss you like hell, I would bring hell on earth just to take every one face to face just to know that you'll be home one day and I will lie in your arms and feel the solace I've been missing all this time.

Massecration Update, 18/07/07.

Hey friends, just a quick post.

Massecration will be performing at the Singapore Deathfest 2007, 29th July at Thomson CC. Event starts at 2pm, we'll most probably be taking the first slow so do get there on time all right? The Deathfest features technical/experimental death metallers Arbitrary Element, Innards Decay; Brutal Death Metal from Kuala Lumpur(Malaysia), death metallers Nafrat, the legendary Vrykolakas and Porn Grinders Cardiac Necropsy. Kudos to Yana for putting everything together and getting this event started off. Guys, do come and support you local death metal militia!

The next show we're booked on is tentatively set on the 25th August along with Truth Be Known(TBC) and Bhelliom(TBC). This event is still in it's planning stages so no point releasing all the information just yet.

One more show we're booked for either in September or December. MetalAllegiant 07, will be playing alongside our friends Crucifixion, Oshiego and Absence Of The Sacred. That show includes Singapore's more internationally reknowned metal acts such as Vedic Metal pioneers, Rudra and heavy metal showcase Meltgsnow. More information will be up.

Meanwhile, the band is prepping for our promo recording scheduled in the later part of the year. Entitled "Dignifying Horror In Absolution", will feature three of the tracks from the full length which is currently untitled. Namely; Suffocate Futile Existence, Death be Thy Order and Summoning Massecration.

More details will be out as more stuff get finalised. Meanwhile Massecration is available for booking. For enquiries, please reach Agnes at massecration@gmail.com or you can get me at artistrik@hotmail.com for more information. We are available for both local and overseas shows, depending on availability and location(for overseas shows).

Would your God do this to you?

I close my eyes and a million memories of where we were begin fluttering back like butterflies caving inward to form a mystery figure and all I can distinguish are your features; your thin lips, those gentle eyes that sparked the innocence of a child, that perfect nose that you wanted to change so badly.

I am brought back to distant recollections of us, one pixel by another; a visual reconstruction of everything that I didn't notice back then and then it gets to us. Our figures draped in a cloak of shadow as I stared into your eyes and I felt them open themselves like giant doors. Along with the gentle tug of your attention that led me in further to every numbered day we spent together as you sat next to me and we watched ships pass and stars move on by and we didn't give a fuck about every little obscure object and creature around us.

Tell me it wasn't a dream because it was picture perfect and I still pray someday I will live another moment in those shoes of a happy person, contented and full of zest and the energy to carry on walking.

I am dying, noticing every last fragment of my darkest fears come to life and I am watching it all come into flesh like the most morbid of nightmares.

Finally Awake.

So, a change arises and an old demon turns around once again to haunt me. With eyes that glare with utmost hatred and the taunting of a 6 year old, with a craving that haunts every single lonely night and the wicked laughter that resounds in my head just before I finally fall asleep.

What more for a release could someone plead for? Is there no chance for me to simply start again, fresh and anew like white sheet of paper?

I am filled with hated and angst, I am bleeding every single drop with my veins stuck out like a thin, rubber like straw and I'm bleeding regret, I'm blood letting so quickly with the intentions of change but the whispers draw silent as the cars stop racing by and the nights go on longer and harder and harder as you try.

You are racing against a sheet of glass, a tireless opponent that never fails to pull you back out from the crowd and the disguises that you keep trying on. You are helpless, you are shameful, you have been lied to and you are weak but he is just glass I keep reminding myself and of happy thoughts that are the only notions that are keeping me awake from the slumbers of year to come. I am awake now and I feel the pains of life getting to me. I am finally embracing shame and I am finally accepting facts. I am finally being a person that can walk straight and will never look back.

To a very dark time, to a morning of regrets of the night before and the gentle suggestions of simply becoming better. He is turning the subtle desires into a raging demon, a beacon of neon and a volume of demons.

Because I am awake, I am finally awake. I've gone through this part of my life with my eyes closed and my ears deaf to the calling for help. I am finally awake and I must never fall asleep again, never again. Not one more beer to get to the high, not one more pill to make me finally fall asleep, not one more false friend in my life, not another day that I lived with the nights of regret.

I'm awake now.

Jet-fueled Persuasion.

I ended by evening at DXO with shoving and having insults directed at my mother from the bouncers. Awesome way to end the night. Apparently I pissed off Celestine's friend there as well but I couldn't care less. Really darling, not the whole world is talking about you.

I have come to one of those points in life where you feel like the past couple of years you've lived have been as though you were walking through it in deep slumber. I got back home from DXO yesterday, safely thanks to Spencer, Wai Lun and crew. Still pissed off, I grabbed the Black Label and drank till I passed out.

I woke up this morning at the lowest of my lows, at the pits of my self-induced coma like hellish state and squealing for mercy from myself. I have decided that I will not drink anymore, I will let the hunger in me die and I will never again relish in the comforts of being alternate states. I will absorb every molecule of pain and I will do it without being wasted.

The late night slacking with Isa and Jon have proved to be therapeutic. They withstand my mad rantings about life and they make me laugh. It could not be more encouraging.

Dear friends, if we are out and you guys happen to be drinking. Let me off the bottle, I must take control of my life for once and walk with my feet carrying me and my eyes looking ahead. Please, be a friend and help me out.

Hello, my name is Joel and I am an alcoholic. I have unknowingly become addicted to alcohol and I have made mistakes that can probably never be erased. I want to change and live life without the influence of alcohol in any form. I am disgusted with myself and I want to change.

Flitting Away.

You know one of those moments when you feel like the world has shunned you to your own little corner, like a recluse of silent and lonely companionship. One of those times when you felt your stomach turn and the hair on the back of arm stand. When all you can listen to are sad, piano accompanied songs that make you sigh and stare far out your window as you're watching lights and people walking on by, devoid of any care in the world.

When all you can watch are comedies of your favourite serial and movies to distract you for another couple of hours to pull you through another day till you feel tired and then you head over to the liquor cabinet to snog a glass of whisky and pop a couple of flu pills just to make sure you're light headed enough so you won't feel embarassed talking to your pillow and holiding it tight enough just to make you remember and feel like it was that one moment again when you held that special girl in your arms and the world around you disappeared.

Then you speak endlessly to her, recollecting that one very important conversation. Where the stars floated by endleslly and the clouds played second fiddle to the glorious moon.

You get up in the morning, with every muscle in your morning refusing to move. You just want to lie in bed and pretend you woke up with her beside you and you're watching her sleeping. You push aside the conscious and you move to the bathroom. Seated, all you can feel is this deep ache within you and the settling heaviness just begs for some release. You light up a cigarette and you plan out another flu pill to get you through the morning. As you feel the water washing down on you all you remember is the times when you imagined her right beside you there and then all busy with the morning getaways. Separate in delusion but singular in a single strife.

As you close the gate you think to yourself, just another day. You walk with your headphones plugged in and you just feel like crying because this life wasn't the life you'd thought you'd ever have and the depression settles in so deep it feels like a thorn in your skin. You get on the bus and you ignore the glaring faces and the unkind stares, you sit as far back as you can go and once you're settled you close your eyes and you still feel the ache settle even further in you inner self. You still feel like crying.

You get to the office, you sit down and heave another sigh. Your cubicle surrounds you from other eyes and you can't see them looking if they can't really see you. You relax and hit back into the morbid cycle of repetitiveness. The hours pass and soon it's lunch. You walk over to the canteen, strangers and acquaintances all smiling and cheerful with a glazed touch on their smile. You really wonder how they can have it so good.

You head back home soon after. With the world on your shoulders and olive in your skin, with the crimson of the hungry and with the ache of the century and somehow all you wish was that there was something easier to do and someone to pull you through each day. Someone you could run to, to care for, to have her come to you, to watch tv with, to have dinner with, to just lie back and watch the people walking on by.

You walk through the familiar doors, another lonely silent apartment night in. He's there, like he always has been but you know it's not him that you seek. It's deeper than that, it's more painful but it's more important like a flashing alarm signal. It's calling out to you, that's something's very wrong.

You can both keep me here because it's easier to teach but you can't make me truly happy.