I'm taking my time.

So, the feeling of not knowing where I'm heading to now is settling in. Slow but most surely. There's nothing left to do, no highlight of a week or month left to look forward to. All I have resembling a plan or schedule is to just get you back here.

I thought of a million ways to break that iron cascade he has over you but it just isn't in me to let it all go down that way. I would take punches, fat lips, insults, group attacks just to understand again how I was so happy and carefree back then.

So to be amongst the pioneer batch of bands playing in the first ever Singapore Deathfest was a massive honour. I went on stage, didn't give a fuck about what people would say and if you ask me. It was a good one for me, I didn't feel awkward to headbang in front or that we were not brutal enough. I just didn't crack or at least bother to keep up an image or persona of what I was supposed to be doing. So boys and girls, perhaps the secret to performing live? Vocals went well for me despite the big scare in the jamming studio before heading down to Thomson CC. I didn't vomit out of nervousness this time round too.

Sometimes, you try to run so far away from where you are but sooner or later you're gonna find yourself wondering how you ever got here. You try to retrace each step backwards but you're just blank. I took new friends over values and real friendships, I took my pride over my guilt and I became someone I barely could tolerate until it was nearly too late. I'd been walking all this while, eyes shut, stagnant and pale in this putrid horror freakshow of my own revelation.

You don't have to weigh consequences along with the odds of a situation you don't want to be in. At the end of the day, what matters most are relationships, honesty, love, sacrifice and the attainment and strengthening of your personal beliefs.

Sometimes, you don't have to be the big kahuna or the Don. You don't have to be the guy with the girl on his lap, the one with the prettiest shoes and dress, the guy who looks good even in a plain tshirt, berms and slippers, the one who has the most friends, you don't have to be the one who's dancing like a neon signboard, the one with the most bedroom escapades, the one who's famous in the scene, the one who's respected.

I'm the one. With the ugly teeth, chubby cheeks, horrible hairdo, with nipples sticking out his shirt, the fat kid from a typical high school drama. All I have under attributes would be transparency because I don't care right now. If I'm single the rest of my life, if I never get rich or if Massecration never becomes a household name in the metal scene; I just don't care.

Because when I said "I'm taking my time and you guys are still fucking boring." on stage on Sunday. It felt right, it felt like a warmth from a mother's embrace.

Hey, you. You know it's you I'm talking about. I can wait because I'm taking my time now.