Finally Awake.

So, a change arises and an old demon turns around once again to haunt me. With eyes that glare with utmost hatred and the taunting of a 6 year old, with a craving that haunts every single lonely night and the wicked laughter that resounds in my head just before I finally fall asleep.

What more for a release could someone plead for? Is there no chance for me to simply start again, fresh and anew like white sheet of paper?

I am filled with hated and angst, I am bleeding every single drop with my veins stuck out like a thin, rubber like straw and I'm bleeding regret, I'm blood letting so quickly with the intentions of change but the whispers draw silent as the cars stop racing by and the nights go on longer and harder and harder as you try.

You are racing against a sheet of glass, a tireless opponent that never fails to pull you back out from the crowd and the disguises that you keep trying on. You are helpless, you are shameful, you have been lied to and you are weak but he is just glass I keep reminding myself and of happy thoughts that are the only notions that are keeping me awake from the slumbers of year to come. I am awake now and I feel the pains of life getting to me. I am finally embracing shame and I am finally accepting facts. I am finally being a person that can walk straight and will never look back.

To a very dark time, to a morning of regrets of the night before and the gentle suggestions of simply becoming better. He is turning the subtle desires into a raging demon, a beacon of neon and a volume of demons.

Because I am awake, I am finally awake. I've gone through this part of my life with my eyes closed and my ears deaf to the calling for help. I am finally awake and I must never fall asleep again, never again. Not one more beer to get to the high, not one more pill to make me finally fall asleep, not one more false friend in my life, not another day that I lived with the nights of regret.

I'm awake now.