Waking to be alive.

It was one of those mornings again, when you wake up a complete mess. Your head still spins from the budget wine and beer the night before. No recollection whatsoever, your wallet turns up empty and you wonder why. You recall buying beer but you don't remember drinking it or anything after. You remember waking up to follow your friend back home to change and you sleep in the park while waiting for him to come back down.

Embarassment is a question less answered if not asked at all. Your head clears a little on the way home but maybe it's the sun thats keeping your eyes focused. Your head back and flop your uncontrolled body down unto your bed without even showering, your slip in and out of nausea induced sleep. You close your eyes to pretend that you are falling asleep but you really are awake and simply unable to fall asleep.

You get up to have a long drink of water. You light a cigarette and somehow the taste doesn't define, you feel the early morning nicotine kick come in and you wish you didn't smoke. You look at the pack and you wonder when you actually smoke them. You sit in the big chair facing the television, all that's on are talkshow hosts that simply have nothing else better to do. They embarass yourself to the point of tingling pity in your veins, you feel their shame almost as though you were right beside them.

Everything is dull, everything is guilt and everything is regret. You wish you just stayed home the night before and you feel like you're right again.You wish everything would go away, you wish the guilt would find someone else to stay with.

You wish it would all go away but you're stuck in this terror tunnel. Just another minute, just another second, just another hangover but it will all end soon. It has to, it must and it will all end, eventually.